December 24, 2008

Merry Chrismakah

"Well, are you coming?" asks the conductor.
"Why to the North Pole of course! This is the Polar Express!"

Every Christmas Eve for as long as I can remember my dad read The Polar Express to me and my brother before we went to bed. Then we'd put out cookies for Santa and a carrot for his reindeer, and we'd crawl into bed. I have the entire book memorized and I adore it. I love all of the illustrations, though my favorite has to be the one where all of the children are drinking hot chocolate in the train car. The colors are so rich and warm that I feel like, even though they all jumped onto a strange train with a strange man, they are perfectly safe. One year when we woke up on Christmas morning, I found a worn bell that looked suspiciously like a sleigh bell on Santa's cookie plate. My parents said they had no idea where it came from, but their best guess was that Santa had left it for me. I treasured it.

These days my parents continue The Polar Express tradition at the store. They have the book, a portable DVD player with the movie, and a little basket of bells sitting on a table near the door. With each bell they have written this message, "Our wish is that this bell will always ring for those who listen. That the sweet sound reminds us of the true miracles of the holiday season, be they of this world or not" along with this quote from the end of book,

At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed, it fell silent for all of them. 
Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. 
Though I've grown old, the bell still rings for me as it does for all those who truly believe.

I don't believe in Santa Claus anymore, but I have that sleigh bell that was left on our cookie plate years ago. It's hanging on the doorknob of my apartment door. More than Santa though, I still believe in that magic and the miracles of this time of year. Maybe that's why I can still hear my bell ring.

Tonight I'm having dinner with my family and Adam's family. Then I'm going to go home and read my own copy of The Polar Express that Bette gave me two Christmases ago (which was one of the best gifts I have ever received). I don't expect Santa or any make-believe magic like that; only the same safe feeling that I have when I look at that one picture in the book, and the magic of stopping to listen and hearing the bell ring. I hope you guys (the few of you who may read this!) have a happy holiday too!

December 16, 2008

the W word

I got two Christmas cards in the mail yesterday, one from my aunt and uncle and one my grandparents. I opened them before I had even taken off my coat because getting real in-the-mail mail these days is exciting. (that's not a hint, I'm just as guilty of sending 100 times more emails than snail mail.) The card from my grandparents started out innocently enough with my grandmother's note, followed by my grandfather's note, which took a sudden turn when he wrote this sentence, "maybe in the new year you will be planning a wedding." That was followed by this sentence, which escaped loudly from my mouth, "What the fuck? That is not OK! Why?!"

It seems as if the whole world (besides my close friends, and for that I thank you) is planning my wedding. Oh, and the two most important people in said imaginary festivities, and the w-word has not even crossed their lips. Not once. I know it's in fashion these days to get engaged after a year or less of being in a relationship, but I'm not a fan of being fashionable. I'm more a fan of doing things at my own speed and knowing that if they're meant to happen, they will.

I've never been the wedding obsessed sort of girl. I know people who have had their weddings planned out since they were little girls, dress, colors, place, table settings, the whole deal. Oh I played my fair share of "wedding" and my friends and I even forced my brother to participate in a pink tutu, even though he was the obvious and logical choice for the groom. My cousins had the most beautiful wedding dress that had been their grandmother's in their dress up box. It had long sleeves and a long row of tiny buttons up the back. I loved that dress.

The second I realized Adam was awesome though, I did not start to plan our future. I have no timeline, except for the one which involves moving back to North Carolina. I've thought about the future, but only in an abstract sort of maybe someday sort of way. Honestly the thought of being the center of attention in a white dress, which I would obviously get dirty immediately, makes me feel like puking. Walking down the aisle with my dad is hysterical. Being sentimental in front of lots of people is unthinkable. And the planning? Holy yikes. The only fun part in my mind is the party. Ask me to elope and come home and have a "HAHA we got married and you didn't know" party and I'll be yours forever.

So don't mention the W-word around me unless I bring it up because I'm sick of people making assumptions about a relationship that they are not in. Plus, you'll probably give me a heart attack:)

November 29, 2008

My thankfuls

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I hope you had a lovely day filled with food, family and friends. We spent the afternoon at the Coffin house and the evening at the Goodman house. I have not eaten that much in quite some time.
I have a lot going for me right now. Just thought a list could be appropriate.

I am thankful for... family and that we are all healthy this year.
...our store and that it's still making it through tougher times.
...Adam, who never ceases to amaze me in how wonderful he is. girlfriends, without whom I would be so lost. wigglebutt Mira and her unconditional and irrational love for me. job. To have one right now and to enjoy it on most days. kitchen. As tiny as it is, I've cooked a lot of food in there this year.
...downtown, which is a lot more fun than I could have imagined.
...the new friends I have made this past year and how easily they have accepted me into their circle.

I'm a lucky girl:)

the prettiest Pretty Pretty Princesses at Thanksgiving!

November 13, 2008

All things holiday

Thanksgiving is officially two weeks away. This means I can officially start getting excited about the holidays.

I plan to:
~decorate my apartment in a classy but excessive manner
~bake pie pie pie
~have a cookie extravaganza in which all of my friends will get cookies
~receive the 12 days of cookies newsletter from Food Network again this year
~have a holiday tea party at work
~wear my candy cane knee highs
~make a holidays playlist on itunes and listen to it at work
~dress my dog up like an elf

My friends and I plan to (and these were discussed last night at the Rosebuds and Megafaun show):
~have a secret santa
~have a holiday party....erm many holiday parties
~festive martinis and cider and eggnog

Oh, Megafaun? They are excellent. Check 'em out. Here, let me just help you out. They're from Raleigh/Durham!

November 4, 2008

We believed and it happened!

I will NEVER foget this night, this historical and wonderful night . President-Elect Obama, that's what it says on CNN. I will tell my children that I voted for a change, a difference, a moment. I will tell them that I sat at one of our favorite bars downtown and watched anxiously as votes came in. We watched as Republican Indiana could not be called. We watched state after state's results come in. And we watched in joy as Barack Obama was announced the 44th president of the United States of America. We gasped and then clinked our glasses together in a victorious cheers. Outside of my apartment people are shooting off fireworks and yelling and celebrating. As Stalker Carol has said to me many times tonight, this is epic. EPIC!!!

Take out the guns and dance

Indiana is a battleground state. A swing state. We might not vote Republican this year. I feel that I've participated in a historic moment today. Now the anxious waiting.

North Carolina was absolutely wonderful. I was in a blissfully happy state for a good amount of our vacation. I was with one of my best friends, celebrated one year with my wonderful boyfriend (one year? How in the hell did one year go by so fast?), was surrounded by mountains, saw my summertime momma, and was generally home. I know even more now that I have to move back there some day. It's just a matter of knowing I belong there.

Algunas fotos

on the Blue Ridge Parkway

I heart mountains

view from Bette's house in Tryon!

waterfalls in Dupont

together again:)

Triple Falls in Dupont

Excessive, but I do not care. Consider yourselves lucky because I took quite a few more.

My coffee addiction has been taken to new levels. I ran out of coffee at my apartment last week so while I waited for more T-discs for my Tassimo to be delivered (pain in the ass, maybe a little, but worth it), I stopped at Mo Joe's for coffee on my way to work. This Monday, after a week of ordering the same coffee with soy milk in my travel mug made by Stalker Carol, the baristas knew my order. I was on my way to being a regular. I loved the regulars who came in every morning at The Morning Times. Of course, just as I reached that coveted status, my coffee arrived. So no more morning stops to Mo Joe's. We also just bought a fancy single cup coffee maker for the office so coffee consumption at work will be incredibly easy. I forsee at least two cups in my afternoons now.

Back to holding my breath that I will have something to celebrate about tonight at Lockerbie Pub instead of reason to drown my sorrows in beer.

October 28, 2008

She got it so good

Update on my noisy neighbor.

The weather has cooled off considerably. My windows are now closed, as are my neighbor's. I crawled into bed on Sunday night after a long day of driving and, floating into the night came the familiar sounds of the girl next door having a giant good time. THROUGH CLOSED WINDOWS! OK, enough is enough. I composed a letter and stuck it to her door this morning. Honestly, I'm a little nervous about the results or possible consequences but I complain a lot and figured that it's time to take some action.

Dear #19,

All throughout the spring and summer months I've had my windows open, as have you, so of course we hear things in each other's apartments like the tv and people talking and me yelling at my dog. I have also heard, and most of the time been awoken in the middle of the night, you having sex. I've been regularly woken up a few times a week by your passionate screams.

As the weather has cooled off I have closed my windows and figured that I would no longer hear your nocturnal activities. Turns out I was wrong and you are louder than anyone could imagine. Last night as I lay in bed reading with my window closed, I heard, yep, you guessed it, you having sex. OK so it probably won't wake me up anymore but I am really tired of being a third party to what you do with your boyfriend. Honestly, I have no problem with what you do with your boyfriend, it's your business and I'm glad that it's obviously so great. I just really don't like hearing two people have sex. I'm really just hoping you guys could try to keep it down a little bit. I understand that sometimes it's hard but I'd really appreciate it. Unfortunately we have thin walls and apparently thin windows too! Thanks so much!

#17, Julia

We shall see.

Might post some NC Vacation Pics later on.

October 10, 2008

I'm goin home

Also getting incredibly excited about our North Carolina trip in 12 days!!! I cannot wait to share my other home with Adam, be back in the mountains, and of course see Bette. It's been a year since I've seen her and over a year since I've been in the mountains, both of which are much too long to be away from things that are important in your life.
Adam bought hiking shoes and if he's going to ride a horse he'd better get to go fast. Ha, I love him.

Things I will be for sure packing:
Zebra Cakes
bitch please t-shirt
riding equipment (boots, pants, helmet)
all the letters Bette ever wrote me as we were growing up

Now I just have to make a baller "North Carolina Roadtrip" playlist.

Late night ballad of a neighbor girl

Have I told you about my neighbor? I don't know much about her other than her name and that she has this one skirt that I really like. Oh and what time she and her boyfriend (whose name I also know...) have sex, and how great it is.

This is what's been happening for the past, well since the spring probably. Two or three times a week I climb into bed and disappear into dreamland. Anywhere between the hours of 3 and 6 AM I am awoken, from a dead sleep mind you, by the joyful noises of my neighbor and her boyfriend having sex. This sex must be pretty good, and every time, for the elation I hear floating out of her open bedroom window and into mine.

I'm not gonna lie, I really dislike being awakened in the middle of the night, and especially by sex noises. I've been pretty goodvnatured about the whole thing. Her escapades make for pretty funny stories. The other night though I woke up to, not only the orgasm screams, of which there were more than usual this time, but the sound of bare skin hitting bare skin in the heat of the moment. SICK. Pushed over the edge. So now I'm trying to decide what to do, because honestly, I've had enough. My initial thought was to write her a note and stick it on her door. Just politely saying "I have no problems with what you do in your spare time and in the privacy of your own home, but please keep it down!!" A few of my friends told me to fight fire with fire and have my own loud mid-night sex. I think next time it happens I just might yell out my window "KEEP IT DOWN YOU FUCKING FREAKS!!" I mean I can't be responsible for what comes out of my mouth in a state of just having been rudely awoken.

October 6, 2008

Play at Work

A few weeks ago two of the art directors, Phyllis and Jenifer, and I went to the Children's Museum to get pictures for a little article on a superhero exhibit they have right now. The exhibit was great and was a really nice fieldtrip break from work. I have a newfound interest in superheroes.

We found a box of superhero costumes, mostly kid-sized, in one part of the exhibit. After some digging, we pulled out a cape and a suit that would fit us adults. Each of us dressed up and got our picture taken by the others. Somehow the picture that Jenifer took of me ended up in the superhero article in the November December issue of Humpty Dumpty. I'm being exploited by the art directors. Thankfully I don't look quite like myself in the picture, right?

Don't worry, I was already told that my pose is inaccurate, as Batman does not fly.

October 2, 2008

My momma, my hero

I've been doing a lot of reflecting this week, stemming from the fact that I moved back to Indiana one year ago this past weekend and that Tuesday was Rosh Hashannah, the Jewish new year and Day of Remembrance. So I'm just going to record some of my ponderings. Just a warning, this will probably be a very patchwork entry.

Time has been absolutely flying by lately. I have no idea how suddenly I've been home for a year, at Humpty Dumpty for a year, living in my apartment for a year, and in a happy relationship for almost a year. Sometimes I feel like camp should just be ending, like I should just be moving into that crappy apartment I rented for a few months in Raleigh, and looking for a job besides the coffeeshop. Even crazier in my mind is that it's been two years since I moved to Raleigh in the first place. I very much miss living with Bette and Ang. That was really a pretty ridiculous and amazing year. I'm a little worried that time will continue to speed along, and what if I forget to enjoy things as they fly by?

At the end of services on Tuesday morning the president of the temple sisterhood (I think) made a few announcements. First she said, even though resolutions are not typical on the Jewish new year, this year make one. Make a resolution to thank the parents of Jewish children who might not have always been Jewish, or who still aren't. They gave up their religion to give their children Judaism. Thank them for that. I snuck a look at my mother, who was sitting next to me, and saw tears dampening her cheeks. After services, I gave her a hug and thanked her. Sometimes I forget all that my mom has done for me in the religion department. She was raised in a very Catholic home. When she and my father, a non-practicing Jew, got married, they decided to expose their kids to both religions and let them choose. In sixth grade I told my parents I wanted to start attending Sunday school at our reform temple. (I know, what kid wants to go to Sunday school? That's a whole other cup of tea my friends.) So I embraced Judaism and I took my family with me. My brother did not get hooked like I did, which was fine with my parents (because they are amazing and have never pushed us to do anything we didn't want to do) but my mom and dad jumped in. They started taking basic Judasim classes together at our temple and my mother even considered converting until her parents threatened to practically disown her. So she didn't. In the past 12 or so years she has been my biggest Jewish supporter. She helped me run a monthly after-school dinner/homework help program through my youth group IFTY, she attended services with me (and still does), she asked me to bring a mezzuzah back from Israel for the house, and she makes a damn good brisket and kugel on holidays. She even recently told me she would love to go to Israel. I've always been thankful that my parents gave me the choice of my religion and supported me, but I've never thought of being thankful for my mother and the sacrifce she made. She didn't get to pass down her beliefs to her children. Instead she had to learn a whole new set of beliefs. I can only imagine how hard that must have been and must still be.

Wow, I actually had more to write about the arrival of aproppriate fall weather and scarves, but I've gotten myself into somewhat of an emotional state, so I'll save the crunchy leaves for later.

September 26, 2008


I hope you can figure that abbreviation out on your own.

I've discovered that my morning routine involves a lot of cussing. Probably because my eyes tend to stay half shut until after showering/face washing. Plus I should not be expected to function before coffee. OK so lots of things drop. That requires lots of fucks and craps and damn its. Other than these choice words, I do not speak much before 9am.

Someone has been taking my parking space at work while I'm away at lunch. I park in the same spot every day: the row facing the building, third space down. (The row not facing the building is directly under a telephone wire, which leads to much bird poop on windshields.) When I get back from lunch a tan Jeep Liberty, Columbia edition has somehow ended up right there where my Holly stays. Really this is not a big deal. The parking lot is never full and I usually find a space two down from mine. It's really more a thing of principle. Why take a spot that wasn't yours this morning? Why not just park in the same spot you did when you got here? I do not understand.

September 25, 2008

Princess Puppies and Cupcakes

It's fall!! Does a season require capitalization? If so, then...It's Fall!! I celebrated by drinking lots of hot tea and making chai tea cupcakes. The cupcakes are pretty good. Not fabulous but the icing is phenomenal. Plus, I think they're pretty!

The recipe is from a cupcake book Sam let me borrow. 500 cupcake recipes. I foresee much baking in my future.

In other photo news, we played dress up with one of my boss's dogs last week. Toby makes a very lovely princess, don't you think? I hope we haven't contributed to any gender confusion on his part...though I have a feeling he's already confused since his dog buddy Yoda humps him.

September 23, 2008

New Music Thursday

I love love love that I can listen to music basically for free on the internets. I mostly use Rhapsody, on which I have two accounts plus the "you don't have to sign in" account, which equals 75 free plays a month. MySpace is pretty good as well, though until recently, artists only posted a smattering of their music. I logged in today to discover that MySpace Music is getting a facelift. Artists will be posting entire collections, every album they've recorded, on their pages. YAY! I realize that all this free music floating around on the internet could be worrisome in that now fans won't be as inclined to buy the actual albums. Unless you're awesome and can figure out how to get files off of MySpace, etc and onto your computer, then you still have to buy the music to actually have it. I like having the stuff I listen to online on my iPod also. It transfers better to the gym and into the car than my entire computer. So I think the music industry is safe. For now:)

More free music was aquired this weekend from some of A's friends. Included are Cold War Kids, Ghostland Observatory, MGMT, Silversun Pickups, The Black Keys, Vampire Weekend and The Hold Steady. On the way are The Shins. Plus, PLUS, a dj friend of A's recently lost his job (radio station got shut down I think) and he got to take the station's entire library with him! That is 27,000 classic rock type genre songs friends. Holy my goodness.

Last thing, a mention of one of my favorite musicians, Matt Nathanson. Marnie, Sam and I went to a small Howie Day concert at IU (OK now I'm not sure if it was Howie Day...regardless) and this guy with a guitar, a cello player and a great sense of humor opened for him. So began my love affair with Matt Nathanson. Four years later he's still rocking my world and finally getting serious radio play. Maybe you've heard his single Come On Get Higher. But did you know that he released his first album in 1993? That's right, 15 years ago (I did my math correctly, right?). Granted I think it was one of those during college albums, but still. How a guy like him manages to float just below the mainstream music radar for so long is beyond me. He's one of VH1's You Oughta Know artists right now, and yes, you oughta know (says Alanis Morisette). So please go check him out. He's even going to be at the Music Mill here in Indy on Sunday night.

September 22, 2008

Julia is...

fed up with Facebook statuses.  Yet again.  

I seriously feel like I rant about the same thing over and over again.  I am considering quitting the Facebook yet again.  I am also considering smacking the next person who complains about Sarah Palin in the Goddamn face.  

OK, that's a bit backwards.  Let me just start by saying that, as I am a staunch Obama/Biden08 supporter, I obviously dislike Sarah Palin.  Her political views are just a bit too conservative and, well, crazy, for my taste.  This does not mean though that I want to discuss how she obviously is an antifeminist, a religous extremist, anti gay marriage and whatever else the media is calling her these days.  The woman has been in the public eye for about a month now and I'm already sick and tired of her effect on every single on of my liberal friends.  No one can seem to have a deeper conversation about her than the aforementioned antifeminist, etc topics.  I know I can't.  I have no desire to.  The people who agree with me are already voting for Obama, so no work needs to be done there.  Those who don't agree with me don't need to be convinced that Sarah Palin is the wrong choice, but that Barack Obama is the right one.  I don't want to tell them why their choice sucks, but why mine might really be better and more beneficial.  Just my opinion.

Here's the lamest part: people actually think that posting an angry Facebook status about Sarah Palin will, I don't know, do some good?  OK, probably not do any good, I don't think my fellow Facebookers are that dumb.  I just don't get it.  Of all the places to uselessly rant.  We all know what your political views are if you are politically inclined at all.  There's a spot for it in your profile.  Mine clearly states "Obama/Biden08."  Sometimes I'm embarrassed to call myself a liberal or a Democrat.  

Moral of this story: I hate politics.  

September 5, 2008

Top 10

Turns out I have slowly been turning into something of a foodie. Most likely on the lower end of the foodie chain, but nonetheless, I'm there. (As a sidenote we got this book in at work, Foodie Babies Wear Bibs. I love this series of books. I got Eco Babies Wear Green for a friend. I want babies for the sole purpose of buying all these books for them.)

Anyway, I was searching for Indianapolis Dine, a food magazine, when I came across a message board post of Indy folks' top 10 reasons for loving this city. A well timed web find as I thought to myself earlier today that, in all reality, I do like Indianapolis, despite all the North Carolina moving talk I do. So I'm going to make my own top 10 list.

Reasons to Love Indianapolis
1. My parents. They live the perfect 20 minute distance from me. I can do laundry there, watch the occasional movie and have them watch Mira. Plus, I love my parents:)

2. My friends. I've found myself a wonderful little circle of great friends who I wouldn't trade for the world.

3. Downtown. I truly appreciate it. (and hate it at the same time.) I'm going to list a few things within this one that are downtown. The city market, the canal, White River State Park, yummy restaurants like Buggs, Yats, Hoaglins, Barcelona Tapas, Bazbeaux and Mojo's Coffee.

4. Cheap living. Really, I live in a super cute neighborhoood (true, it's surrounded by semi-sketchiness) in a cute and small but nice apartment for practically nothing.

5. Goose the Market. Hands down my favorite new place in town. Great local butcher/market. All Indiana meat and produce plus fresh fish on Fridays plus gelatto plus sandwiches and coffee. And the owners are super nice.

6. Not too far from Chicago, which, if I need a big city fix, is perfect. Oh plus Marnie and Mere live there.

7. The music scene. It's actually really good. Radio Radio! The Vogue usually has decent shows too. And Luna? Best record store ever.

8. The art scene. For realz. It's growing. First Friday downtown every month, one in Zionsville(!) now, lots of galleries on Mass Ave and in Fountain Square. Penrod, the IMA, the Herron Art School.

9. The weather. Yes I hate how muggy it can get in the summer and how cold it can get in the winter but the spring and fall more than make up for those less than pefect seasons. Besides I like a little sweat and some cozy sweaters.

10. I grew up here. My dad grew up here. We have roots and we know people. This is home and will always be home no matter where else I go. Even if North Carolina is my other home:)

September 3, 2008

Easy Silence

I like that we can just sit on the boat and not say a word for 45 minutes.

Missed Connections

I'm looking for two stunningly beautiful women. One has long brown hair and a friendly smile. The other has short brown hair and four tattoos. I know they were both in Bloomington this past weekend, as was I, but we missed each other. We were all there, our little yellow house was there, but we were not together on the porch of the yellow house. All is not right in the universe. Everybody knows it sucks to grow up and everybody does and so weird to be back here. Let me tell you what the years go on and we're still fighting it. {Ben Folds}

We went to Lake Monroe this weekend to play on Adam's parents boat. Exactly what I needed. A few days away from work, parents, stress. I'd forgotten how much I love lakes and trees. OK, that's a lie, I never forget how much I love being outside and away from buildings and cars and general busyness. All felt right as I paddled around in that lake, peeing without regard for anything, drinking beer, and floating away on my back as the sun blinded me. Saturday night Adam and I stood under the clearest night sky I've seen since camp. I spotted a shooting star and we marveled at the Milky Way. (I remember when I first spotted the Milky Way and realized what it was last summer at final party. I ran around telling everyone what I had seen, only no one was excited as me. This weekend I was thrilled when I got to share this solar tidbit with Adam.) I love feeling small in the midst of nature. I hate feeling small in comparison to people.

I have unfortunately discovered my favorite summer drink at the end of the summer: sangria. Best sangria ever at Plum's in Zionsville.

Oh, bee tee dubs, Mira's new favorite summer treat is cicadas. Yes, those nasty bugs that hum incessantly in a steady rise and fall all summer long. She eats the little fuckers right off of the ground. She sometimes even carries them in her mouth until we return from our walk to the apartment where she runs to her pillow to devour the buggie bug. Sick dog, sick.

August 26, 2008

Break Me

Things that make me absolutely want to puke right now:
I am completely broke. Not like, oooh I'm kinda sorta running low on money but I can still go out for drinks and add a few new items to my closet for fall (curse you Anthropologie and JCrew for being so damn expensive!) but for real once I pay my rent and my electric bill next week I'll have $50 left in my checking account broke. About once a week I visit my online banking. This results in me putting my head on my desk and feeling like I want to freaking die. I have not actually created a budget yet, ugh I just can't do that. As much as I like making lists and pretending to be organized, I could not make a budget and stick to it. I have though cut out all unnecessary things. Unfortunately food is still expensive, and I refuse to eat crap because then my general energy level and feeling of well being slip. Just as unfortunately essentials from Target add up. Coffee, black sweater which I really do need and have been putting of buying for months, shaving cream. I do not know what to do. I will not ask my parents for money. They have done so much for me in the past that I need to start doing awesome things for them. I also will not make Adam pay for dinner every time we go out. I don't follow my every other rule as religiously anymore but I still try to keep things somewhat even. Just Fuck Fuck and Fuck.

Oh, also, to add to the list of things that make me want to vomit right now: my job. Yeah.

Awesome things that are coming up:
Long weekend, which will most likely and hopefully involve a lake, either a bit north or a bit south of here. Gossip Girl starts next week! Hooray!

I'm off to find positive energy. Or figure out how to rid myself of all this negative energy.

August 25, 2008

Not all those who wander are lost

I made the decision to start using Pandora again after a break. My stations had been playing the same songs over and over again because I hadn't added any new music in awhile. In light of my recent music renaissance though I added two new stations and settled into an afternoon of music fun.
My first new station is all Lollapalooza music. I'd kind of zoned out until a vaguely familiar song came on. I switched to the Pandora tab on my browser and discovered a band called Ratatat playing. They're kind of rock/electronica, instrumental. Tim, who worked at the coffee shop in Raleigh, liked them and consequently, when I worked with him, they would make it onto the playlist.
This moment is really completely insignificant, or would be except that I've been feeling incredibly restless or something like that lately. I'd also like to throw the word apathetic into the mix of my feelings vocabulary. I realized that being here in Indy for almost a year is the longest I've stayed put in one place since I went to college. While at IU I moved between Bloomington and Tuxedo. By the time May rolled around I would welcome the change of scenery and happily go running to the mountains. Once I graduated, I picked up pretty quickly, I think it was October, and moved down to Raleigh. And then of course that summer was camp again. By the time I got back to Raleigh after camp, that restless feeling bubbled up again. And it's not like I wasn't happy there. I really was. Anyway, that's when I moved home. And here I am, almost a year later, not having gone anywhere. I'm really mostly happy here. I mean, my job could be better, but really, if that's all I have to complain about, I'd say I'm doing pretty well. So why do I feel like crap?
I do not want to end up being one of those nomads who can never be happy in one place for very long. I want to settle down somewhere and make a real life.
My friend is getting ready to "pull a Julia" as she described it. She's a recent college grad who moved back to her parents house and was working a crappy job. Next month she's moving to a new city to live with a good friend who has an extra room in her apartment. Sound familiar? I'm incredibly jealous of her. Starting completely over and fresh in a new city is so promising. I love that feeling.
Maybe if I didn't have so much holding me here I'd pick up and move again. That would probably be a very silly and rash decision so it's a good thing I do have that so much in my life at the moment. He's good at keeping me in the present and keeping me from doing ridiculously crazy shit like moving for no good reason.
I need to get rid of my itchy feet.

August 21, 2008

Good morning starshine

1. Would you bang your neighbor?
neighbor to the right: no. she's a little old for me. neighbor to the left: no. she's a little to weird for me. though i've heard her bang her boyfriend many a time. i think joyful orgasms are the most magical noise to wake up to.

2. What describes your relationship status?
happily taken

3. Where are you?

4. What's the last movie you saw?
me you and everyone we know. it was one of those independent films that tried way to hard to be independent, which ultimately was its downfall.

5. Do you live with your parents?
i'm an independent woman.

6. Who have you talked to most today?
well, since it's only 9am and i'm not too chatty before i finish my coffee, just the mira doggy. she never gives me morning sass.

7. What color is your underwear?
pinkish redish

8. Color of your shirt?

9. How many years of language have you taken?
9.5 of spanish

10. Who's the first person in your Contacts List in your phone?
Abrams, my eye doctor.

11. Do you wish on 11:11?
sometimes i do yes. also sometimes on 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55 and 12:34

12. Good advice if you ever go camping?
bring a flashlight, and fire starting paper

13. Are you a bad influence?
bad? i don't know. i'm an influence of some sort. my friend just told me she's "pulling a julia" by picking up and moving to go live with a friend. i'm incredibly excited for her.

14. Do you enjoy Diet Rockstars?
I prefer coffee for my caffeinated beverages.

15. Would you rather have your name or your sibling's?
well mine, since my sibling has a boy's name.

16. Favorite color?

17. Do you like cookies?
YES. pretty much any kind of cookie. i can eat entire packages of cookies in one sitting, which is why i do not allow them in my apartment.

18. What song is playing right now?
the boxer, simon and garfunkel

19. What would you do if the person you loved moved across the world?
i would follow him

20. Last time you went out to lunch?
Sunday at the zoo with adam.

21. What is to the right of you?
a pile of manuscripts that i need to read.

22. Who is your favorite character on Friends?
tricky question. i'm leaning towards ross or rachel honestly.

23. What's your favorite band?
not a fair question, similar to the favorite book/author question. i have about a million. there are a few classics that i can always put on though: matt nathanson, guster, the beatles, ben folds, tristan prettyman.

24. Do you watch Family Guy regularly?

25. Do you read trashy romance novels often?
nope. chick lit is my trashy romance novel. i could never stoop that low.

26. Favorite drink at Starbucks?
i don't drink starbucks. i drink local coffeeshop coffee. it's much tastier.

27. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
yes. with all the windows open for the world to hear.

28. What are you?
a fool in love

29. Would you rather freeze to death or burn to death?
would you rather wonder how you're going to die or how you're living?

30. Have true love or be a millionaire?
i'm shooting for both right now. I aim high.

31. Give up alcohol or marijuana?

32. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
i can be. i'm not obsessively clean, but i cannot live in filth and when it hits that point i clean like a crazy woman. i also organize random things, like my closet and some things at work. mostly i'm an unorganized mess.

33. Have you ever been to South America or Africa?
yep, ecuador. it was amazing. i'd love to further explore south america.

34. Are you high?
on life, wahahaha.

35. Do you swear?
my new favorite is shitballs. i also use frick a lot in place of the f word, which i am trying to use minimally.

36. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
baskin robbins. specifically the clowns they made in the upside down ice cream cones.

37. Physics or chemistry?
i have a liberal arts degree and work at a magazine. do you really think i like science at all?

38. Who was the last person you yelled at?
mirabelle, to get off the couch.

39. Roadtrip or fly?
roadtrip. flying and airports stress me out.

40. What's your favorite Disney movie?
robin hood and aladdin

41. How's your day?
so far, ok. coffee's done, music's playing, haven't done any real work yet.

42. Would you rather eat sushi or escargot?

43. Do you ever want to get married?

44. Are you happy?
well. yes and no. i'm being positive about things that are not ideal right now.

Real post to come later, i promise!

August 13, 2008

fuel me up

Reading about alternate fuels in my CNN morning email. I like what Robert McCormick, the principal engineer at the U.S. Department of Energy's National Renewable Energy Lab in Colorado says. He "believes that 'just making more' is not enough. 'I think that the answer to reducing our petroleum-import problem and reducing the carbon emissions from transportation is really threefold. It involves replacement fuels like biofuels, it involves using much more efficient vehicles than we use today, and it involves driving less."
I could probably rant and go on about alternate fuels and vehicle emissions and saving the planet all day. I'll refrain. If you know me at all, you know where I stand on that topic. I'm waiting for the day when I need a new car and can buy a hybrid:D

August 8, 2008

What you say?

Ah yes, quotes of the week.

Adam: OK, you're on ice cream patrol.
Me: I'm looking for the ice cream place?
Adam: No you get to hold the ice cream. But be on the lookout for exotic cars.
Me: I always am.

Me: Hey yay! Guster has baby girls!
Ian: Guster mated?
Me: They're all married. They all had babies.
Ian: They're gays. They mated
(for the record my brother is not homophobic, despite how he may sound here.)

Me: I thought you voted for the good George W.
Ian: I did, and don't regret it...nor am I educated enough on the subject to have the knowledge to regret it - so for me voting is a win win
Me: that is truly amazing
Ian: I try
Me: You could make some serious money publicizing that quote.
Ian: That's all I'm out to do anyway {make money}
Me: Isn't everybody? the day I'm rich I'm gonna stop working and buy 10 horses and lay in a field with them all day.
Ian: I'm going to buy a bunch of brand name shit and cars that fuck the environment!

Take your balls out of your purse. {general them and saying of last weekend}

August 4, 2008

Hippies, hipsters, and rock n roll oh my!

Lollapalooza 2008.
Sam, Marnie, and I spent the weekend in music heaven. We'd talked about going for a couple of years and this year we're finally all in the area at the right time. So we got our tickets and personalized our band schedules on Lollapalooza's website. Generally speaking, when I have incredibly high expectations for something, especially a mini trip, I am usually disappointed. This weekend proved me so very wrong. I had the most amazingly wonderfully time with my two beautiful friends. We talked ourselves out about boys, old friends, gossip, work and tons of other random things. On top of the fabulous company, we had fabulous music. Two days of band hopping in the most incredible setting. Every time I looked up at the Chicago skyline that surrounds Grant Park, I was amazed. This festival full of dirty, music loving people plopped down in the middle of a huge city. It's pretty cool. Prime people watching. Plentiful tattoos and dreds.

Friday night Sam and I got into town just in time to meet Marnie outside of her apartment and book it to Grant Park to see Radiohead. They're a pretty diverse band and I was very impressed with the show. (as a side note, I've never listened to a lot of Radiohead.) We then met up with Jannson and some of his and Marnie's friends plus Meredith and spent the night dancing and singing at a bar called the Hang Up. We didn't get to bed until 5AM. When the girls of 717 party, we do it right!
Saturday morning we woke up with a little bit of our voices gone (what happens when you try to talk in a really loud bar) and kinda hungover. On our way to the park we stopped at Walgreen's where Sam bought Bounce sheets, which are supposed to work like bug spray when rubbed on your arms and legs. Not sure if they kept the buggies away but they smelled really good:) Our Lollapalooza line up for the day was as follows
Dierks Bentley (yeah country at Lolla!)
Explosions in the Sky (OK, kinda, we heard them as we stood in line for the bathroom/ice cream)
Okkervil River
Broken Social Scene
Wilco was great. Also really enjoyed MGMT and Okkervil River. Despite the hangovers and minimal hours of sleep the day was still good. Thank God we went to bed at a decent hour that night. It made all the difference on Sunday I think.

Sunday morning we had breakfast with Marnie's old roommate (most amazing cheese grits I've encountered in the north!) and then took off for the last day. Line up

What Made Milwaukee Famous
The Whigs
John Butler Trio
Amadou & Mariam
Iron & Wine
Gnarls Barkley
The National
I really enjoyed all the bands we saw on Sunday. What Made Milwaukee Famous was a really great accidental find. John Butler Trio absolutely blew me away with incredible guitar picking and jamming. The National, well they've been my new favorite band lately and they did not disappoint. Unfortunately Sam and I had to leave to get home and missed Kanye West. Even more unfortunately we screwed up the I65 detour and ended up driving all the way to South Bend on I80/94. Awesome.

I'm dragging a bit today thanks to getting to bed at 4AM on top of all the walking and sitting out in the sun we did, but it was all so very worth it. I can't wait to really investigate all the new music I discovered. Yay for my ever expanding music collection! Can't wait for Lollapalooza 09 ladies!!

July 21, 2008

Barack the politically apathetic vote

The cover story in this month's Vanity Fair announces the "Class of 2008," the up and coming young stars of Hollywood. I excitedly turned to the article because it promised photos and interviews with the cast of Gossip Girl, my favorite smutty teen drama (it's like Dawson's Creek of the new millennium!) The article started out with a discussion of how dramatically being a rising young star in the entertainment business has changed over the past five years. I do wonder how any 20 something's reputation can stay spotless under the magnifying glass-like eye of the media these days. My friends and I have gotten into some pretty crazy things since we've entered, survived and left college. And we're just normal kids. Our reputations would be completely tarnished though.

Anyway, of course, being Vanity Fair and never wanting to pass up an opportunity to remind readers of its liberal political views and support of Obama, the stars were asked the 2008 election question: who will you vote for/do you support Obama. Most carefully avoided the question. Stating your political affiliation seems almost as detrimental as stopping at Starbucks or Taco Bell these days. Penn Badgley, Dan Humphrey on Gossip Girl, did have an opinion. He said, "with a wordly, weary not of disillusionment, 'I'm politically apathetic. We were raised in a time when we never had a leader who was a role model at all. Every president has gotten worse and worse - it doesn't make you want to engage.'" Now don't get me wrong, I love Dan Humphrey and therefore the cute actor who plays him, but this kind of a statement absolutely kills me. Politically apathetic, in my opinion, is just another term for being lazy. As if our generation needs to look more lazy than it is already accused of being. We are already pegged as a generation who doesn't want to vote and who has always had low turnout numbers in past elections. Why perpetuate that if you're someone famous? And do not make excuses about poor role models. I'm obviously no Bush supporter, but honestly that makes me want to get out and vote all the more. I want to engage, I want to have a voice in changing our government.

I don't know, that attitude of not caring and labeling it as something other than being lazy and THEN blaming it on bad past administrations drives me crazy. How much of an effort would it take to go to each candidate's website and read up on their platforms? Or even to just turn on the news, read the paper or go to once in awhile? I don't care who you vote for honestly, just don't give our already labeled as apathetic generation more of a bad rap.

Rant done.

July 16, 2008

prisoner swap

The bodies of two Israeli soldiers, missing for about two years, were returned today in exchange for the freedom of Samir Kuntar, a Lebanese man who murdered an Israeli while his four year old daughter watched and then bashed her head in, killing her. It's easy to look at that situation and say what really did Israel get from this trade? They freed this horrible man and got back two dead soldiers. Prime Minister Olmert, who I don't always agree with I'll say, said this, which really made me understand Israel's point of view, "The Worry over the fate of every one of our soldiers is the glue which binds us as a society, and it is this which allows us to survive in an area which is surrounded by enemies and terror organizations."
One of the things that I took away from my trip to Israel last winter was the incredible respect that soldiers got and the incredible pride that every Israeli seems to have in their army and their country. They believe so strongly in what they fight for.
Another quote I found incredibly true: "The power of a nation is not dependent on what the other side says, but rather only on us." (that one's Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni)
The whole article can be found here on the Jerusalem Post's website.

July 15, 2008

So far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?

It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know that you're just time away
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could, but you're so far away.

I think there's some kind of saying that says having friends in far away places makes the world seem smaller. I disagree. I hate having my friends so spread out. Even Marnie and Meredith, who are just in Chicago, seem lightyears away. And that's not even counting anyone in North Carolina, New Hampshire, New York, California, freaking Ireland. I know that far away friends give me prime excuses to go on mini vacations and long weekends to visit people but I what I really want is to be able to go have drinks with them in the middle of the week or play in the summer weather with them.
I remember when I was little and my friends lived in the same city as me. Ian's friends lived right up the street. I was so incredibly jealous that he could walk or ride his bike to their houses. In middle school I became friends with a girl who lived a few streets away and I thought my life was complete. Mostly though my friends were a car ride away. I hated that. I thought driving to the other side of the north side of Indianapolis was a tragedy. 20 minutes? I wanted 2 minutes! I lived in a tiny circle back then. Between my friends, the barn, school, temple, the JCC, my Indianapolis grandparents, Blockbuster and ice cream nothing was farther than 20 minutes away.
What I wouldn't give for that right now. My circle has expanded considerably these days. Oh wells, guess you can't always get what you want right?

July 10, 2008

I love the American government

Only because I should be receiving my stimulus check in the mail within the next few days! I'm going to put some of it aside to use during the Lollapalooza/Hollapalooza weekend. I plan on throwing down. Plus beers are expensive at concerts.
Adam wants to move to South Carolina someday maybe. That's so close to North Carolina that it makes me squeal like a little girl! Not that I'm planning somdays with Adam, I'm just saying, I like the possibility.
Last week I broke a lace on my left tall boot, rendering it useless. This week I broke my right half chap, rendering it also useless. No foot/legwear left to ride in. So I grudgingly went to the only tack shop in the city to buy new boot laces for the tall boots. The girl who "helped" me was the smuggest and rudest girl I've encountered in a while. I don't know why I'm so surprised. That I'm better than you attitude abounds in the hunter/jumper world and it disgusts me. Anyway, the girl sold me the wrong kind of laces despite the fact that I told her they were for tall boots. They're too damn fat to fit through the lace holes. So now I have to drive all the way back up to the north side and exchange them. Frick.

July 9, 2008

100 years of imagination

This year my favorite redheaded girl, Anne Shirley, turns 100. A 100th anniversary edition was published in February with original cover art and what appears to be a mostly original version of the manuscript, not perfectly edited and all:) I'm tempted to buy it, just as a tribute to my childhood and my favorite books growing up. Anne was my absolute hero between the ages of probably 9 and 15. I read every one of the books in the series probably at least 10 times. Anne's wild and free imagination only encouraged my already overactive imagination. I spent countless hours wandering through the woods behind my house, naming trees and paths and special spots, just like Anne did.
I haven't really thought a whole lot about these books recently but now that I am I'm realizing that maybe they had more of an effect on me than I knew. I read an article about the series today that focuses mostly on what kind of a heroine Anne is and if she fits into today's feminist heroine. Today's novels, young adult and otherwise, seem to be filled with high powered, highly motivated and driven girls and women. They are cut throat, whether it be while climbing the social ladder in school or the corporate ladder in the work world. Anne doesn't fit into this world at all. Her world appears almost antiquated in comparison. She abandons the real world for her imagination far too often and she gives up her ambitions to be a writer to raise a family.
I must agree with the Slate article in thinking there's more to these books than flowery descriptions of nature, a sentimental story about an orphan winning over a town, and a young woman giving up her dreams for her husband and family. Anne has an incredible independent streak. She does what she wants and says what she thinks. Of course that ends up getting her in trouble lots of the time and the great thing is that when it upsets or hurts the people she cares about she goes to great lengths to fix things. She doesn't let the class cutie, Gilbert, turn her to mush, at least not until he almost dies and she realizes she just can't live without him (that book, Anne of the Island, was my favorite, especially as I got older, because of its sweet romantic undercurrent.) Anne's imagination must encourage her readers to get lost in their own imaginary worlds. It certainly did for me. I loved disappearing into books and creating and acting out stories in my backyard. Anything that gets kids away from already completely fabricated stories on t.v. and mindless video games gets five stars in my book.
Now back to the feminist aspect of Anne. I strongly believe that a girl should be told she can do anything she wants. She should be able to go out there and have the same career as any man, she should be given the same respect and women have worked very hard to get close to that point today. I also strongly believe that if we look at media in general today that is all girls are being fed. High power, high fashion women dominate t.v. and books. They run around big cities in their Jimmy Choos and whatever other fashionable shoes they can buy, frantically trying to make it. Young adult novels and t.v. shows seem filled with these images too. Girls fight to be in the top clique in school, kids vie for the best and hottest internships that will launch their careers.
What's wrong with Anne's path? Girls could use a reminder that they have more choices and that they do not have to pick the crazy career over the family. Now I sound super old fashioned or something. I am all for having a job, a career, making my own money. Eventually though I would be the happiest girl if I could just stay at home with my kids and raise them. That, in my opinion, is an incredibly admirable job. Anne goes to college, something not too many young women did in her day, she even works for a bit until Gilbert is ready to get married. Then she takes on the job of raising her six kids to be imaginative, independent people just like herself. Through everything she faces each and every challenge head on and with a positive attitude. Why not remind today's youth of the importance of that? Why not remind them to slow down, be yourself, think for yourself and enjoy the beauty in the world around you? I think the Anne of Green Gables books are timeless and are filled with lessons and characters that I can still relate to as a 24 year old in 2008.
Hum, this all sounded very logical and well thought out in my head. God only knows if it ended up that way. Let's just finish with the statement that I am a huge advocate of the imagination and anything that encourages it.

June 23, 2008

Purple Wandering Jew

Oh my goodness, I am a giant hypocrite. We went to a wedding (two of Adam's friends got married) this weekend. Lovely time overall. I loved meeting all of Adam's friends from school. I know how important they are to him and I'm glad that I finally got to see that part of his life. Anyway, I kept my camera tucked in my purse most of the night since I had just met the majority of these people and felt inappropriate snapping lots of pictures. I did want a picture of the two of us though since I thought we looked all nice and dressed up. Plus my hair was miraculously straight! So end of the night rolls around, we're waiting for our ride back to the hotel and I ask if one of the girls would mind taking a picture. She did, and then told us to do another one, this time kissing. And this is how I became a hypocrite. I've posted it on my Picasa page because, much like this blog, I think only a few people look at it. Oh what have I become?

(ok secretly, but don't tell anyone please, I think it's a cute picture! Eek!)

My dad continues to be my hero. He raised money for the relay for life in Zionsville this past weekend. To entice people he said he would paint himself purple if a certain amount of money was donated. He then told the Zionsville Merchants Association that if they could raise $1,000 he would shave his head. All necessary money was raised and my dad spent Friday purple and bald and insanely hyper. Plus he was able to donate at least $1,300 to the Relay for Life. Kicking cancer's ass one purple bald dude at a time.

June 13, 2008

take that haters

Uh oh, I just realized that I might be an internet hater. I feel safe sitting here at my desk blogging about people and things that drive me absolutely crazy because there is a certain anonymity to anything written on the internet. A friend of mine (who quite possibly does not know I read her blog so this could be creepy) wrote a post about the internet and it's effect on my generation and those following. She writes about Facebook, something which I obviously use but think is semi ridiculous. She also touches on the general quality of writing that appears on the internet these days. (most of which is subpar. Mine is awesome though. Durr.)

Something to think about because I know I rely in the internet way to much. I joke with my friends about how we are expert stalkers and can find out literally almost anything about someone via Facebook, MySpace or Google. I will admit that it's a skill, one if I could word it correctly I might include on my resume. Professional sleuth...skilled searcher...but I do wonder how much more free time I would have without the internet and how much less fried my brain would be. On the flip side, I would know a helluva lot less about my friends. Life could very well be much more simple and mundane.

So let's all get rid of our electricity, light a few candles and read our books by the fire. Because things would most likely be much better if they had never changed at all.

June 10, 2008

She loves him She loves him not FYI

First things first - I GOT AIR CONDITIONING!!! I do not care that I broke down, Mira and I are happily cool now. Aaaaaah. That's me breathing in the refreshingly cold air in my apartment. Or imagining it since I am at work.

Facebook gives me a lot of grief. People publicize so much of their lives on that thing. The amount of personal information in my profile sometimes makes me uncomfortable and I think I'm a pretty middle of the road Facebooker. I had a friend in college on the equestrian team. She was a lovely girl, very sweet and fun. We've lost touch, as I have with many of the girls on the team (some more purposefully than others) but through her profile I discovered that she has a boyfriend these days.

OK, I am going to insert a disclaimer here. I realize that if you only read my blog you may think I am obsessed with my boyfriend. He's just managed to sneak into most posts lately. I am completely crazy about him but I do not excessively Facebook about him. Maybe because I am convinced that only a few people read this blog and therefore I can say whatever I damn well please. Anyway.

My friend has posted plenty of pictures of her and the BF. Fine except that she's gone to the extent of posting kissing pictures (seriously, who takes pictures of themselves kissing? This is a very bizarre phenomenon which I am convinced started, or was at least encouraged by the advent of Facebook). One of said kissing pictures is even her profile pic! Egads! Her statuses have also started to revolve around the boy. "B is loving him...", "B is in bed with her manly man..." and so on. Her wall has been taken over by overly sweet posts from him. I don't quite understand the need to flaunt a relationship on the internet. I have nothing to prove to anyone, not even really myself. As long as we are happy then why should I care if people I don't give a rat's ass about on Facebook know that I love my boyfriend and that we make out in front of the camera? (we obviously don't do this. Narcissistic much?) Let's keep it classy folks.

What follows is a few pictures that I would like to share taken on Friday night when Sam and I wandered up and down Mass Ave looking for art galleries to poke our heads into. Of course the weather, which has apparently lost its mind, got bad and we ended up running into a bar as huge forks of lightning tore across the sky.

June 6, 2008

Please enjoy the music while your party is reached

Last night I called Bette via Skype for the first time since she's been in Ireland. We've talked online but nothing is quite the same as a phone conversation with her. We talked about absolutely nothing for an hour and a half and the only reason we hung up was because I had to call Adam back. We spent a good half hour browsing pictures on Green Cove's website from Early June camp. Some of the first year counselors there were campers when we were on staff. That, friends, is odd. The girls at that session are so little and adorable. They wear huge hiking boots and big tshirts and riding helmets to meals.

I think we then spent another half hour discussing how much it would cost me to drive down to camp. Between gas and wear and tear cost on the car, it's quite a bit. Figuring out how much I would spend on gas took us a pathetic 15 minutes I'm sure. We basically had to set up a word problem. If gas costs $4 a gallon right now, my trip is 494 miles and my car gets 27 mpg, how much will gas cost for my whole trip? We are poor mathematicians. I like that I have a friend who I can call up for no reason other than just chatting and end up talking to for hours. Actually, most of my good friends are like that. I've had countless long and random conversations with Marnie and Sam too. That is true friendship.

I am having an inner conflict regarding my living situation. My apartment does not have air. My kitchen is tiny. I have no backyard for Mira to run around in. It takes me forever to get places because of downtown traffic and weirdo streets and stoplights. I live in a small pocket of decency in what might be described as a somewhat ghetto area of town. On the flip side, I do live very close to lots of downtown happenings and events. I can ride my bike to most said events. Walking on the canal is lovely. I do have a lot of the necessities (grocery, post office, cleaners, etc) within five minutes of my apartment.

Either way, I've started browsing apartment and house listings even though my lease doesn't end until November. I have a little dream that involves a house with a big kitchen, a dishwasher and garbage disposal, air conditioning and a fenced in backyard. Bette claims that I'm nesting. I say it's my goddamn biological clock trying to tell me it's time to settle down, start a family, blah blah. My clear and rational mind knows how ridiculous that all sounds. As if I am anywhere close to being ready for anything that resembles a family beyond the dog and boyfriend "family" I have right now. I hate being a female.

June 1, 2008

a dream upon waking

First things first - it is insanely stuffy and hot in my apartment. not so hot outside at the moment but in here, yes. Possibly a result of the oven being on while I made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Regardless, I have my fan pointed directly at me and on high.

Second things second. Last weekend Adam, Mira and I went to Lake Monroe for a few days to hang out and fish a little on his parents boat. Being outside and away from the city (I know "city", right? As if Indianapolis is a huge bustling metropolis) did wonders for me. That weekend everyone arrived at camp for orientation so the potential for me to sit and wallow in I-miss-camp-pity was very, very high. But the most amazing thing happened. I didn't want to be at camp once, not for one minute. Even when Mary texted me that she was at the Black Rose, a bar we frequented in Hendersonville. As Adam and I sat on the boat and looked at the stars I realized that I'm incredibly happy right here. This, referring back to a previous post where I wondered if, even though I'm generally happy with my life now, I would always want to be somewhere else too. I don't want to be anywhere else but here. I'm home and even though I miss everywhere I've been and called home in the past and all my friends in those places, here and now is so good. This might be the best feeling ever. Not to say that I don't have shitty days where I want to crawl under the covers and never come out, but I do come out. A few quick pics from our lake trip.
Me and Mirabelle on the boat
Adam making our bbq chicken dinner
Third things third. Last night Sam and I attended the most bizarre party we've been to in awhile. It was something like a dream. My friend Elizabeth is an intern at the magazines and lives downstairs in my building. The party was a housewarming party she threw. The crowd was, generally speaking, all under 21, including a 15 year old. Now, I am not being condescending here. Oh my God I am so much older than these kids. They just seemed so young. In attendance was a girl who I'll call MK. She was everything that, two years ago, I would have longed to be. She was effortlessly cool, wearing a black tshirt, a brown fringed jacket and tight dark jeans and discussing how she doesn't pay for spices at the store, eats donuts and doesn't pay for them, and carries her lighter between her breasts and down her shirt. I literally would have watched her all night and been intensely jealous and completely judgmental of her in my insecurity and lack of self confidence. Last night I watched her and smiled because her coolness is not effortless, but quite the opposite. Part of me wanted to judge her, just out of habit. At one point everyone gathered around a piece of meat, called star meat, and performed a ritual. Star meat seemed to be meatloaf in the somewhat shape of a star with sprinkles and candles stuck on it. They all stood around the lit up meat and chanted "star meat star meat!" until MK, who was in charge, shushed them all, at which point they blew out the candles and ate the meat. Weird. Like I said, a somewhat dreamlike night that reminded me of what I used to wish I had and was and of how happy I am that I somehow found my self confidence between then and now. Anyway I'm glad that Sam was there with me because the whole night was something of a flashback to Bloomington and our neighbors senior year.

End of story.

May 23, 2008

Julia is...well rested, tan, and thinks it might be the weekend

Well I vacationed in Florida. I am actually tan and only burned slightly, which is an accomplishment for me. Really had a very nice time. The boys played golf twice, us girls laid out at the very fantastic pool and got massages, Adam and I had beers at Tin City, walked on the beach together and played in the ocean. We saw a bird mauling a dead fish on the Naples peer and stood inches from a leopard with just a glass window separating us. I convinced Adam, Brent and Adam's dad that jockeys are bred for their small size. Ashley and I made fun of a very silly and PDA-y couple at the airport. I enjoy family vacations, even if the family isn't mine.

Today I realized why I love Facebook so much (and when I say love, I really mean hate). See, sometimes I get confused as to what day of the week it is, what is going on in the world and my city in general. Lots of times what I really need is a useless update on how you were affected by the weather, a magical quote or lyric describing your mood, or to see a message that is clearly directed at one or a few specific people but you feel the need to share with all of Facebook. So, thank you, friends for updating your statuses these past few days, with proclamations that this weekend is indeed a long one (I wasn't aware you see, that I don't have to work on Monday since it's an official national holiday), that there is a large and internationally known car race going on in Indianapolis this weekend (wait, what's the Indy 500 anyway?? Cars? Racetrack? Beer? These go together on this day?), and that these next few days are in fact and in actuality, the weekend. I HAD NO IDEA!!!! What a relief that I have Facebook to keep me straight and on track. Right now I am very tempted to leave the stupid online networking site. Maybe I will.

May 12, 2008

monday monday ba da ba da da da

Uh oh, illegal two days in a row blog postage. I just want to document the fact that this is going to be the longest week on record. I'm leaving at 12:30 on Friday and am going to desperately try to make up those missed hours during the rest of the week. That means no lunch hour Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, staying late Monday and Wednesday and coming in early on Friday. Florida had better kick some serious ass.
in other news, a moment from my past resurfaced on instant messenger last night (after I'd gone to bed at the early hour of 10:30 of course). I was surprised, not sure if pleasantly or otherwise though.
I feel stuck right now and I need something to happen. I have ideas on what that something could be but I kinda doubt that those ideas will be taken into consideration.
How do you talk to someone about something that you just can't put your finger on? You can't just sit down and say "we need to talk. About this...this feeling I have that's been making me uncomfortable." Instead, I am going to get over myself and do what I do best, ignore any serious emotions, shove them aside and deal with them later.

May 11, 2008

i'd fly in his ship any day

I love Harrison Ford. He's a scoundrel of the best and sexiest kind. USA is showing all three Indiana Jones movies today and I'm TiVoing the first and third ones. The Temple of Doom scares the shit out of me. The whole taking hearts out of people's chests? But back to Harrison Ford. Anyone who flies a piece of crap ship and makes it look awesome, who has a giant angry worm creature searching the galaxy for him, and who can rope in the Princess Leia is awesome in my book. Plus,
Indy's dad - there are people trying to kill us!
Indy - I know Dad!
Indy's dad - this is a new experience for me.
Indy - It happens to me all the time.
There is no denying that, despite the fact that he's, what, 65, he'll be sexy in the new Indiana Jones movie.

I also just want to document a few precious moments from last night.
Precious Moment #1. Kelly tells us that the guy she's seeing might have a girlfriend. She says "I'm 50% sure he has a girlfriend and 100% sure I don't care." Classy, Kel, very classy:)
Precious Moment #2. At an art show later that night we are looking at a piece that is small samples of perfume called urine. It is, in fact, actual urine we decide. We tell Kelly to look at the back of the card which lists the ingredients. Kelly promptly picks up the card/piece of art. Adam Calloway says, "Kelly that's art, don't pick that up!" Please, it's urine, not art.
Precious Moment #3. My Adam calls at 2AM from a bachelor party in Chicago. He is incredibly drunk and outside a strip club. First we discuss the sweet cars parked outside. I tell him he should steal one. He says he does not know the code to steal these. Oh wait, yes he does, for this Range Rover! Second, we begin a lengthy discussion on a stripper's breasts. Adam says, "I don't like their boobs, they're too fake. I like yours better." Oh my Lord. Should I be flattered?

My dog knocked over the container of treats that sits on top of her crate while I was at work. She ate every single last treat in that damn container. She's been very sweet and apologetic since then. Also a bit sick to her stomach. Haha, that's what the bitch gets I say.

April 22, 2008

Back Home to Those Indiana Nights

Well, I'm feeling brave tonight. Plus I don't think very many people read this blog. I'm going to post something I've written. I've passed it (and a few other things) around to a few of my friends for opinions because I'm thinking of sending some stuff to magazines and/or literary journals. So, I figure if I really want to be a writer, people will have to read what I write. I mean that is the point. So here's a sample. I will say that what I write about most frequently is camp because of the impact it has had on me over the years. I can honestly say that I would not be half the woman I am today without Green Cove. Anyway, please comment, I love constructive criticism. The title is in the title of this post:)

Tom Petty sang, “I feel summer creeping in and I’m tired of this town again.” If summer creeps in as it does, evenings slowly heating up, days becoming thicker, then so does autumn. It slips into summer like two people holding hands, fingers entwining. Cool nights mix with still hot days. Leaves start to fall and make the air smell damp and crunchy. The breeze no longer carries the smell of fresh cut grass and cookouts. Certain things signal the ending of summer creeping up. The sun sets sooner which leaves less time after dinner to play barefooted outside. Fireflies flicker less frequently. Just as certain are the signs of an oncoming autumn. Aisles overflow with notebooks, pencils and folders at Target and Wal-Mart. Kids proudly sport back-to-school shoes, clothes and haircuts.

I’ve always had one sure sign of summer’s end and the beginning of autumn. Camp ends. Every August I drive, or flew as occasion had it, out of the mountains and away from my summer. I leave behind me a million memories, new friends, a t-shirt and a few socks, and a piece of me that, no matter how hard I try, never sees the cornfields of Indiana. My southern mountain girl stays at The Cove and waits until I return the next summer to the place when the fireflies flicker over the lake and the stars fill the endlessly huge mountain sky. I’ve spend countless hours trying to get that part of me to return home. I manage to bring mold back in my trunk, photos on my camera, and plane letters in my bag but something of who I am, the young woman who confidently directed her counselors, encouraged her campers, scheduled and taught endless lessons never sees the real world. Neither did the girl who didn’t glance in the mirror before she left the cabin, who sang too loudly and off key, who hugged her best friends often and didn’t hold back. People always tell me that I’ve changed at the end of the summer when I return to real life. I know it too. I just wish that my parents, my friends, everyone out here who might doubt me, could see who I am when I am truly in my element.

April 9, 2008

without you

Sometimes I feel like I've broken up with someone when I think about camp. We spent all these wonderful years together, I grew and learned with camp and became me because of camp. I spent my best years with camp. Then, one day I realized that it was time to move on. I unwillingly saw that we needed our distance. We'll still always be friends and someday I know we'll be together again. It was just time, no matter how hard that is for me to admit.

In a little over a month a group of young men and women will gather in the mountains on the shores of Lake Summit and begin orientation. They will prepare for the summer of a lifetime. some will be returning to their home. Others will be venturing into a new and strange land, filled with traditions they can't understand yet and a language all of its own. I very much long to be part of those young men and women. I want to drive down the entrance road with my windows open, the small of the summertime mountains wafting into my car. When I get out I want to see my best friends, sing camp songs and hear the bell. This is a very difficult break up. I constantly want to get back together despite the fact that I know better.

I've been having a lot of trouble imagining summer without camp. Two years ago I was at camp for only the month of June and, not counting that month, that was the worst summer on record. I'm honestly a little scared. That sounds kind of extreme, but hey it's true. Good thing I have a white board full of summer fun in Indianapolis activities to keep me busy. I have plans to learn how to fish on a boat at a lake (which I will jump into fully clothed just for good measure) and then take my new fishing skills to the woods to go camping. I might even learn how to play golf. I'll walk on the canal, listen to live jazz, have picnics, and ride segways. I know that everything will be ok because I have this support system here at home that will make it easy for me to enjoy my summer.

A tiny part of me still wishes that I was slowly gathering up my camping stuff, my oldest tennis shoes, my rattiest t-shirts and packing it into my old and worn trunk and driving down to the mountains where the rhododendron grow.

March 22, 2008

a few of my favorite things

my friends. i couldn't ask for better ones.
sunday mornings. laying in bed, especially when the sun is coming through the window.
cuddling with mira.
making plans for the spring and the summer.
new underwear.
taking walks in the newly warm weather.
grocery shopping and thinking of yummy food to make.
my new art.
baths and candles.
big, cold glasses of water.
hour long phone conversations.

March 18, 2008

your right to bear arms

I have been struggling lately with my feelings on gun control. About a month ago Adam called me excitedly saying he was going to be up in Indianapolis picking up his new handgun before he came to my apartment. I knew that he hunted and had sat next to his rifle in his car (the closest I have ever been to a gun, I might add) but this somehow was a whole other level. When he arrived at my apartment that night, he took out the gun, put it together and showed me how he would load and cock it, and then pointed it. I about flipped my shit. The whole time he had that thing out I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I did actually hold it, I refuse to be called narrow minded, but it was a serious step out of my comfort zone, and I would not point the damn thing, no matter how much he asked. Adam knows about my hesitation to his owning a handgun, he knows I do not agree with the fact that he, a regular citizen, can just have his loaded gun in his house. He says I feel this way because I'm just generally uncomfortable around guns as I've never really been around them. Not true.

I have no problem with the responsible gun owner. The kind who, like Adam showed me he would always do, keeps his gun in its locked box, unloaded, bullets elsewhere, with the gun itself locked in the uncocked (or whatever it's called) position. The gun only comes out to be used recreationally at shooting ranges, etc. Here's my problem: most people are not responsible gun owners. Most people keep their guns loaded and under their beds. Any dumbass could walk in, find the gun and start shooting whoever he pleased. What if you have a gun, loaded and easily accessible, in case you need it for personal protection. Or, you think you're being responsible and leave it unloaded, but for quick loading purposes, the bullets are near the gun. You have friends over, you all get drunk, the gun somehow comes out, maybe a friend finds it or you take it out. Who's to say you, the "responsible" gun owner, does not accidentally hurt someone? Or maybe your kid, who knows you have the gun because kids aren't stupid folks, gets in a fight with someone at school. He says, in an attempt to be seriously badass, that he's going to bring his dad's gun to school. He probably has no intention of actually shooting anyone but who knows what will transpire once he pulls the thing out of his backpack in the school parking lot?

I read an article on this morning (court decision on gun control is personal for 2 women) about gun control in Washington, D.C. and the city's ban on handgun ownership. Two women were quoted in the story representing both sides of the discussion. One woman stated very well my feelings I think. She said, "No one here is trying to fight against your right to have a gun. What we want is for dangerous people not to get access to one, and today it is just too easy. We cannot keep sacrificing innocent people because you have a fear that you're not going to be able to have your right to own a gun." The other woman quoted in the article owns a gun for personal protection as she lives in a high crime neighborhood. When she called the police to report threats and vandalism, their advise was buy a gun. Well that just seems like it encourages the already high crime problem and the cycle bad neighborhoods in big cities are stuck in. I understand that this woman feels she needs protection. As a young woman living by myself in downtown Indianapolis (honestly a relatively safe city in comparison I think) I do not feel comfortable walking my dog later at night. I keep it to the front of my apartment building. Then again, living in this part of town was my decision. If things get out of hand, I consider it the responsibility of the city to get crime and violence under control. I do not think I should have to go out and buy a gun and feel as though I have to take things into my own hands. And no, I am not so naive that I think a city of any size can be completely crime free. OK, now I'm heading towards my whole stance on poverty and education and how that is basically the root of a lot of our problems in this country. And that would be a whole other discussion and as this blog entry has already become much longer and more ramble-y than I initially intended, I will leave that for later debate.

On a completely different note, I miss camp so much it hurts and I have admitted to being a wannabe Southerner. I might have a problem.

February 28, 2008

If I could be anywhere

I'd like to think I'd want to be here. There is absolutely no reason why here wouldn't be the first place I'd choose right now. I'm disgustingly happy most of the time. My friends are silly, great drinking buddies, fabulous listeners and excellent email writers. My job is fun, challenging and exciting. My apartment is covered in tiny black hairs thanks to my puppy. I'm riding again, which makes me indescribably happy. My boyfriend, when he puts his arms around me I feel completely safe and content.

OK fine, so stop rubbing it in my face, you say. Here's the thing - if you came up to me right now and asked me that question, If you could be anywhere, where would it be - my answer would not be right here. First instinct, easy. Camp. I want to be there every single day. I want to be in the middle of summertime in the mountains with my Green Cove girls, not having showered in three days and feeling clean. Next I might say Bloomington. I miss our porch, I miss Sam and Marnie always being a room away, I miss our smelly neighbors, I miss classes and campus, I miss IUET, silly crushes, not so silly crushes, beer at 2pm, and yes even Jimmy John's. I'd say Raleigh lastly because that's where I found myself and I might have left a little bit of the old me there when I moved home. I want to be roommate's with Bette again and work at the coffeeshop. I want to go to Chapel Hill for Shabbat dinner. I want to ride Clyde with Hilary. I want southern accents, Harris Teeter and sweet tea.

So what if we are never happy where we are? What if, despite everything, a little part of us longs to be somewhere else? I always thought I was lucky to have two homes, here and camp, and that's still true. I just wonder if it's possible to be content where you are and miss everywhere you've been at the same time.

February 13, 2008

let's keep it there

i should really be working. page schedule and copy for the july/august issue of the magazine are due to art director phyllis tomorrow. i'm about halfway there. i love getting to pick out what goes into an issue and imagining kids excitedly going through it.

last friday adam and i went to indy winefest, a fabulous and large wine tasting at the indiana roof ballroom. everyone was dressed up, whole foods passed out little yummy truffles in tiny plastic cups, we drank lots and lots of wine. as we wandered around, half people watching half wine table watching, adam asked me if i'd seen anyone i knew yet. i laughed and responded with "seriously, if we'd seen someone i knew we would be running in the other direction. do you not know that about me by now?" this is not always entirely true. just generally so. the majority of the population in indianapolis that i "know" i would run from. the select few who i wouldn't i see on a regular basis. i'm not a bitch, i just don't fuck around with people i don't like. plain and simple.

i notice that more and more people end up being with someone they went to high school with. i'm mostly talking about my graduating class and their recent (and not recent) engagements, relationships and marriages. i can understand wanting to be with someone who you've known for so many years. you have a common history, common friends, common jokes. that's why my closest friends are those i've known forever. i just wonder sometimes if it isn't better to start with a clean slate and create new history and jokes and a life with the person you're going to be doing forever with. now don't get me wrong, i have nothing against my past. i don't want to ignore it, push it under a rock or anything like that. i'm just saying, isn't it refreshing to know that your significant other never saw your awkward middle school days (or in my case, awkward middle and high school days), only gets to hear you reminisce about unrequited crushes, and has no idea about any past drama you had with anyone and therefore doesn't care and has no desire to rehash it? plus i thoroughly enjoy divulging my past in the way i saw it happen. i get to describe camp through my eyes instead of you seeing it. i get to talk about the blisters that covered my hands in the days of crew instead of you having watched me pick at them. i get to slowly and methodically tell you about ava without you having seen my puffy red eyes, hearing my guilt filled what ifs and watching everyone in my family act like they were holding each other together when we were all really floating out there alone in confusion.

oh wow, this has been a more ponderous blog entry than i meant for it to be. i'll end with this: i'm riding tonight for the first time in 5 months, first lesson in a year and a half. my boyfriend doesn't care what we do on valentine's day, he just wants to spend time with me. he's lovely. my dog ate sugar cookies, press n seal and foil this morning. she's a crazy piece of work.