Break Me

Things that make me absolutely want to puke right now:
I am completely broke. Not like, oooh I'm kinda sorta running low on money but I can still go out for drinks and add a few new items to my closet for fall (curse you Anthropologie and JCrew for being so damn expensive!) but for real once I pay my rent and my electric bill next week I'll have $50 left in my checking account broke. About once a week I visit my online banking. This results in me putting my head on my desk and feeling like I want to freaking die. I have not actually created a budget yet, ugh I just can't do that. As much as I like making lists and pretending to be organized, I could not make a budget and stick to it. I have though cut out all unnecessary things. Unfortunately food is still expensive, and I refuse to eat crap because then my general energy level and feeling of well being slip. Just as unfortunately essentials from Target add up. Coffee, black sweater which I really do need and have been putting of buying for months, shaving cream. I do not know what to do. I will not ask my parents for money. They have done so much for me in the past that I need to start doing awesome things for them. I also will not make Adam pay for dinner every time we go out. I don't follow my every other rule as religiously anymore but I still try to keep things somewhat even. Just Fuck Fuck and Fuck.

Oh, also, to add to the list of things that make me want to vomit right now: my job. Yeah.

Awesome things that are coming up:
Long weekend, which will most likely and hopefully involve a lake, either a bit north or a bit south of here. Gossip Girl starts next week! Hooray!

I'm off to find positive energy. Or figure out how to rid myself of all this negative energy.